My child and I are survivors of abuse and now need help to make sure we are not forced to go back to that nightmare. For roughly 4 ½ years we lived under a controlling psychopath’s roof. He was extremely neglectful, in addition to being psychological and physically abusive to me, our son, my other child and his other children, and the animals that lived in the home. It was a very toxic environment. Every time I tried to reach out for help, he would find a way to cut that tie, so we could not leave. He threatened consistently that if I ever found a way to leave, he would take our son from me and raise him in a way that I would not like. He would disable the air conditioning in the summer, disable the heat in the winter, turn off the hot water water to our bathroom, sometimes turn off the power to the room we stayed in, leave for days and leave us with no food or bathroom supplies, repeatedly belittled or gas lighted us with verbal threats and putdowns, damaged my vehicle, rationed my gas, poisoned us with bleach and other chemicals, exposed himself to the daughter’s friend, would drink so much he would pass out in front of kids, murdered my dog, and so much more.
I refused to give up to finding a way out though and finally in September 2015, the universe answered my prayers and showed us a safe way out. We were told that a battered women's shelter in the state I was born in, had an available room for us and I took the opportunity in a heartbeat, because they were willing to accept us immediately, the timing was right (our monster was out of town) and at the time, an angel offered us an unexpected blessing that would help us escape.
We slowly and successfully began building a new life, but not without a fight (that is still continuing). Three months after leaving our nightmare I was ready to work again and we were ready to get our own place. As per recommended by shelter staff though, before we moved out of our safehouse I filed for a protective order. Shockingly the monster showed up to the hearing, but surprisingly not to dispute the PO, but instead his only intention was only to serve me with custody papers. In fact he actually told the judge to go ahead and put the PO on him, which earned a gasp from the bystanders. Thankfully the judge saw the danger and did not hesitate in granting the protective order. However the downfall was that the judge chose not address the issue of temporary custody, because of the monster saying he already filed a custody case in the state we had left. This caused a huge conflicting issue later on, that is still occurring today.
Fast forward 3 months, to the first hearing...it was practically a massacre. I hired an attorney and the monster was suppose to be pro se, but apparently at the last minute he hired a father's right attorney that ended up ripping my attorney to shreds. It was very scary. I was told I would still have legal and primary custody while the child was in school, but that after the school year was over, we would have to move back to our old state. In the meantime the monster was awarded unsupervised visitation two weekends a month, two hours per day, at my expense. I was completely against that, knowing my son has been identified as having special needs and was in great danger psychologically and physically if he was left alone with the monster. With the support of my attorney I refused to comply with the visitation for one month and during that time filed for an emergency hearing to try to make sure the visits were going to be supervised (because not only is the monster mentally unstable, but for approximately for 15 years he has been a serious alcoholic and has a DUI record to prove it, plus a domestic violence battery record, an additional restraining order record, and his oldest son passed away in his care). Sadly though my attorney at that time eventually disclosed to me that he feared the worst for us and soon after I filed the emergency motion, he asked to be released from the case, because he thought I needed someone more aggressive. I agreed and began looking for another lawyer.
With some recommendations, I eventually found and hired another attorney and about a month later the second hearing was deemed an improvement. The monster was ordered to take an alcohol/addiction evaluation and an a stress management/violence test and his score came back 4 points less than 100 percent (which was labeled severe to high risk). The judge decided I had valid reason to withhold visitation during the prior month and denied the other party’s request to put me in contempt. He then approved that we could continue to stay in our new home after the child was out of school, ordered child support to be paid to me, an anger management screening for the monster and visitation to be supervised, yet another problem surfaced when the judge upped the visitation schedule from two weekends, to three weekends a month.
I did my best to comply with the orders, but not once, in three months, could I do all three weekends every month due to two medical issues happening during that time and two weekends I could not take off work. Not only that, the child had a VERY difficult time with the visits. Always threw fits or moaned and whined how he didn't want to go or did not want to see the monster. Questioning a lot of whys and being very stubborn, yet I could not blame him. His feelings were extremely valid. Sadly I ended up having to buy him toys to pursue him to go though. However that tactic wore out faster than I expected, and in July, my child had a MAJOR anxiety attack before we reached the facility and then when we arrived, flat out refused to participate in visitation. As a result the surpervisor at the facility told me it would be better if he skipped that day and that he would put down in the notes that I cooperated, but the child refused. The next day the same thing happened and on our long eight hour drive home, I learned from my child that the reason he refused was because the monster had been making verbal threats to him and also making him feel uncomfortable by asking him information he is not suppose to have as per the protective order.
I reported this to the facility and also spoke to my child’s therapist about the issue, in hopes she could teach my child better coping mechanisms for the visit process and the facility would report the threats to the judge. Fast forward to the next visit and the child ended up refusing again. He told me he did not want to see the monster and was still scared to see him. I did my best to comfort and talk him in to it (with a staff member there), but the child held his ground, so they let us leave peacefully, reporting again that the child refused. The week after that, there was a check up hearing and because my lawyer raised her prices once a trial date was set, I no longer had an attorney. She simply turned out to be more expensive than I could afford. As a result, the monster’s attorney took advantage of me being out in the open by myself and attacked me through another motion, claiming his client had not got to see his son at all since we left the state. The judge commenting that the other party DID get to see his son for at least three weekends, but then the monster’s attorney when on and on, badgering the judge saying that simply isn’t enough time and the child misses the father and should be returned to the monsters home immediately, as well as he should receive custody and I should be the one forced to visit. The judge listened and then stated he was not going to make any orders that day, because I had no representation. That the only thing he was going to do was move the trial date back by 90 days, so I could have some time to find another attorney.The monster’s side went crazy and began asking to have the child for at least two weeks in August. The judge said no because he would be starting school. The relentless attorney kept pushing and eventually the judge said “If anyone wants changes to happen, you have to file a motion.” “For now the orders are the same” and then he gave me a warning to do better with the visitations or else he would give the other party custody and he gave the other party a warning to think more of the child’s best interest.
The next visitation I cooperatively took my child, just like the other times. When we got there though, he refused both days and as a result the facility explained to me that they were going to close the case for now, because this plan just wasn’t working anymore. They also gave me a few other visitation suggestions to ask the judge about, which they thought might alleviate the refusal problem and help rehabilitate the sons and father’s relationship. I thanked the observer for the advice, I was wished good luck and then we left. Intending to file a motion by the end of that week for the ideas suggested and to also write a letter to the father offering the face time until the problem of visitation was solved. This was in August 2016.
A few days passed though and when I got home from work I found our local sheriff, had served me court papers from the monster, that motioned for an order to show cause; to find me in contempt and to have the child immediately returned to our old state; the monster be awarded sole custody; termination of child support; and termination of the monster’s participation in AA meetings. It was scheduled to be heard at the end of September 2016. To make it worse there were more papers in the back that stated the day after this was filed, an ex parte order shortening time was filed and signed by the judge, which moved the date to the upcoming week.
I was in troubed with anxiety, but with my last available funds, I scrambled to find an unbundled attorney to help me out. However it turned out her services and the hearing turned out to be a complete waste. She fought for me, but the judge never actualy heard her out; Kept shutting her down to allow the other side to talk. It was discouraging to say the least. The good news was at the end of that chaos the judge did not find me in contempt and ordered the father to do counseling, as per requested by my attorney. The bad news was my lawyer immediately gave her resignation to me later that day, saying she was filing a complaint with the bar and the court for the conduct that was given during the hearing, and she did not feel like she was the right one for this case. Once again I was without council.
As soon as my attorney put in her withdrawal notice to the court, the other party filed another ex parte motion stating I was not cooperating with the new order and was interfering with visitation and not allowing the father time with the child. (Mind you the new order had not even been written up yet). This claim was extremely far from the truth and I knew it. For visitation had been running more smoothly now and I could prove them wrong when the supervised facility, that held the visits, turned in their documentation to the judge. That would show I had been following all orders and that not one visit had been missed since July. I went to gather this data from the supervised facility, but was told I could not get a copy of the report; That only an attorney could look it over and that the only person who got a confidential copy would be the judge. I explained I was pro se and did not have council, so how was that fair. The same information was repeated to me, noting I could possibly call the judges clerk and ask if they would let me look it over. I did just that, but was denied access to see the report. So I began reaching out to random local lawyers asking for their help. I eventually got another women attorney to say that she would represent me for the upcoming hearing, but in return she wanted to be hired for the trial. I had no other choice and agreed to her arrangement, not having a clue how I would be able to pay her to fight for us in trial. I filled her in on how the other parties’ motion had no evidence and that to win this round she needed to get or look over the report from the supervised place. A couple days later she told me that the other parties’ attorney and her are past friends, and that she was fairly confident she could talk him into a deal. I was not sure how to feel about that news, but gave her my trust to get make the wrong, right again.
The next time I heard from her, was the day of the hearing, and it was a complete shocker for me, in a very bad way.The judge immediately started the hearing going off on me saying he had giving me numerous times to comply with visitation and he was going to give custody to the monster. I could barely get the words out, “No please, your honor, I have followed your orders, if you saw the report…” My attorney jumped in at that point, but NOT ONCE did she bring up the visitation report. At the end of that hearing the judge ordered a pick up for my son and said he must stay in the monsters city, until the trial. I was in tears, knowing this was going to traumatized the child, as he has special needs and being ripped away from his home, everything he loves, is comfortable with, et. was not needed, nor fair, or in his best interest. I demanded that my attorney fix the problem within a day, commenting and asking over and over “Where was the report?” She never did answer me, but did set up a phone conference with the judge to occur two weeks later. Discouraging, that turned out horrible, as well too, as the judge refused to change his mind and also changed visitation to being unsupervised.
My attorney withdrew after that, which was good, because she had made me upset and failed miserably at correcting the issue. I then took it upon myself to track down that report myself. In the meantime, the abuser kidnapped my son after he was given to him for a weekend visitation. For 20 something days I did not get to see him, but I did finally get to see the report, and filed for my own ex-parte motion pro-se the following day to have my boy returned to me immediately and to allow us to go back home, resuming with the supervised visitation schedule that had been given until the trial.
I was granted the hearing, but the monster decided he was going to file a separate motion asking for sole custody again and allowing me supervised visits, et. So I got a call from the judges clerk saying both of our motions would be on the same day. This was more than upsetting! How in the world could they allow him to piggy back on my emergency ex-parte? Especially after the trauma my boy was being put through. I had a law advocate help me get another one-time deal attorney and felt confident things were going to turn around, because I had actual evidence to back my motion up. That hearing was also a hot mess though. The end result made no sense. Even though the judge acknowledged the visitation report out loud and said that no visits had been missed, he said he was granting the monster primary custody, so that I would not kidnap the child and then changed legal custody to joint, so the father could enroll the child into a new school, which he had already done behind my back. Then the judge granted me visitation Monday through Friday, and stated I was in charge of getting the child to and from school, but that the father got the child Friday evenings to Monday mornings. I kept telling my lawyer to do something, that we needed to go back home or else I would lose my job and our place of residence and be homeless, but he told me aggressively to “shut up” twice and remarked I should be happy that I’ll get to have my child in my care for the majority of the week. To just concentrate on the trial that was happening in a month. I was dumbfounded.
So I went home the next weekend and packed up our place the best I could with such short time, informed my employer and all of my child’s therapists what was happening, walked away from our home and cried a whole lot. December was supposed to be a joyful, spirited loving month and it was far from that. Everything we had worked so hard to have for ourselves was disappearing or being taken from us. All because our abuser could not control us under his roof anymore, so he was now using the court to control us. I wished at that point for Armageddon to happen.
I kept pressing on though, asking for God's protection and help, and in January a prayer of mine was answered and I got notice that we had been assigned a new judge. The only drawback to that, I was told, was that our trial date was again going to be pushed back. This time five months later. I was deeply worried. How are we going to survive? I kept thinking. This is not our home. We have no support here. I applied for several jobs and got two offers, but the times that both establishments wanting me to work, clashed with the days and times I had to take my child to therapy (as per the court order), so I continued to live off of community help, some assistance from friends and what little child support I was getting. In those passing months I also rigorously began seeking advisement as to how to prepare for the trial and essential was trying to become a self-taught lawyer. I filed with Legal Aid for a pro bono attorney, but was denied, because “they have too many cases and not enough available resources.” Or so the declined letter states. I met with a lot of different attorneys and court expertise for consultations, asking for help. Inquired about the filing process and what documents would I need or be allowed to use? Moreover I asked around about our new judges background and her ratings, and took a class from an ex-judge on how to prepare witness logs, evidence, pre trial memos, etc . I tried to do whatever I could do to help me learn more about the family court judicial system, because it looked like I was going to have to do this on my own and I had no clue how to approach it all, for it all was extremely overwhelming to me. In fact it is safe to say, that though it did not pay or provide me with what we needed to survive, court stuff became my job. There was always a ton of focus and labor needing to get done, for the important elements in our case and when I wasn’t doing court stuff, I was enthralled with my other full time job, which was taking care of my child and getting him the necessary help to try to cope with the frustrations and difficult emotions he was having with the forced changes and this case being prolonged. I was burning my wick at both ends, scared, needing money for small things, yet struggling to stay confident that God was going to make sure we would get through this very difficult time in our lives and give us a victorious outcome.
A few months after receiving news about a new judge being assigned to our case, another prayer of mine was answered. With the help of a good hearted friend and her parents, I was put in touch with an Earth angel, who aligned with my circumstance and kindly wanted to do something to help me. She gave me the name of a lawyer who she thought was going to be a guaranteed 1st place winner. A legal professional that would be willing to help speak out against our abuse, my motherhood being taken from me, my youngest's childhood being ripped away from him, and fight for our liberties and our freedom. I happily took her recommendation and reached out to this lady numerous times, but sadly never got a response back. After awhile I decided to take a hint and just refocused on me being our representative in court. I began trying to think of ways I could get support for our case and looking into options where I might possibly be able to raise money for all the filing fees, a nice suit and the gas money I was spending driving around town for meetings. Thinking perhaps if it went really well, I could raise enough to hire one of the other lawyers I had met with in the weeks before.
In the midst of this brainstorming exploration, the universe was not going to give up on us though. By the act of genuine care and concern from the lovely family that had reached out to me before, about a month later I got back in touch with the Earth angel and she told me how disappointed she was in her first recommendation. She decided to give me another name and told me, that she believed this was my last hope and she would keep me in her prayers. Not expecting much, because I had been turned down so much before, I looked up the name she gave me. When I found a number connected to the name I was given, I called and spoke to one of the nicest receptionists/paralegals I have ever spoken to, since this mess began. From just her dialect and demeanor with me, I felt this was something different. Soon after I met with the attorney and he listened intently about the case for almost two hours.
I had to leave at that time to go get my boy, but before I walked out he called his paralegal in to his office and said to both of us “I will take the case.” I asked him what his prices were and he commented, “They are pricey, but don’t worry about that today.” “For now I will take your case and just keep records of what it would cost you, and at the end, I will pass that to you and if you would do me a favor and please find a way to pay me back on a basis that you can afford, when you get your life back together, then that would be fine.” I was overjoyed and agreed. That is exactly what I needed. Someone who would see the urgency of this case, yet would work with me on the service fees afterwards.
That happened a little over a month now and although I was no longer pressured about how to make myself a lawyer for the trial, it still was stressful in getting the attorney everything that I have, because there was just so much documentation to pass on. Some easily accessible, some not. I do not think my attorney truly understood how much I had either, because when he met with me a few weeks ago, he expressed concern over being abe to get everything in time. In his words “There is just so much relevance, and so little time left.” I asked how I could help, and he answered that if I could take two extra hours every night to get some more stuff to him, that might work. Adding that if I had any money to give towards the case right now, that would also help, because he could really use more paper and ink for his printer, filing fees are getting up there and he and his paralegal are using some of their free time, outside of work, to get this done. I felt bad, apologized, and told him I would see what I could do, but that at this point, I am eating saltines for dinner 4 out of 7 nights. He seemed to understand, yet I felt like a terrible person, because I had no financal assistance to give him.
Well the trial happen at the beginning of this week of June 2017, but we are still waiting on a verdict from the judge. However I think my attorney did a good job, considering how late he took the case. As a result I really want to provide him with an immediate payment, to show my gratitude and thanks, for accepting our case, not walking away when it got tough and putting his all into trying to make what is wrong,…right again.
Therefore until we receive a verdict, I know where we are approved to live, the court stops being a catalyst to the monsters control and we are free to choose our own schedules again, I am urgently attempting to raise some funds to help pay for the legal fees my attorney deserves, by humbly setting up this page and asking for some assistance with this important action. I feel his dedication and time, needs to be respectfully and morally honored and I also want to be prepared for the costs that may mount after this event is over, for a possible appeal. Any donation amount will be accepted for this campaign, but heartfelt prayers for the truth to be seen, justice to be served, our independence recovered, and provisions to be restored to help us being further subjected to abuse and/or harmful, controlling decisions, are also greatly appreciated. Thank you all and God bless.
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