Last September I relocated from NJ to CO with my two-year-old daughter after escalating Domestic Violence incidences with my husband. I obtained a restraining order at the trial court in Colorado and he spent over 20,000$ to have it overturned on appeal. He is not even paying half of what the estimated child support should be, he retained all of the furniture, new car and I am completely starting over. 30-50% of homeless women and children are victims of domestic violence and without the support of my family I am sure that my daughter and I would be as well. Please help me take this case to the Colorado Supreme Court so that my Permanent Protection order can be re-instated. Many people do not understand the psychological damage and PTSD that occurs with verbal abuse. I found it far more debilitating than the physical and the restraining order has been absolutely essential towards my mental health and ability to care for my daughter.
Last year 11,766 women were killed by a domestic partner in the United States alone. One in three women are sexually or verbally assaulted in their lifetime. I believe we need to have a more informed court system so that women are capable of leaving, all judges should be required to have training on the abuse cycle and abusive personalities, and take threats and verbal abuse more seriously. Women should also be able to obtain a restraining order in a state other than where the abuse occurred. This is because abuse follows you, there are no borders when it comes to verbal abuse and threats. Often, as in my case, the victim lives far away from their family. This could be either because of work as my ex-husband was in the military or because the abuser cuts the victim off from all support systems, friends in family in order to gain complete control.
Most women do not want to report because as part of the abusive cycle they already feel crazy and then when they report, they are not believed, threatened or blamed. This is what happened to me. The PPO was overturned on appeal because the judge believed that Colorado did not have jurisdiction as the evidence of physical abuse occurred in another State, the evidence of emotional abuse and threats which occurred in Colorado were not even acknowledged. This was the main reason I didn’t even attempt to obtain a restraining order in the State the abuse occurred. I didn’t think anyone would believe or support me and I had no family around to help. Support systems are essential towards taking the step of obtaining a PPO. Both times my ex-husband was reported for a Domestic Violence situation and investigated by the military, it came back that nothing was wrong. This was because I didn’t have the confidence to share the truth and also because he was still controlling and manipulating me through finances, threats and through our daughter. He was also projecting and making it look like I was the crazy one. All of the facts were there, he was financially controlling, he was verbally abusive and it turned physical. He would have outbursts of anger and then blame me. He would accuse me of cheating, and when I caught him cheating prolifically, he threatened to kill himself if I left. Eventually, I became numb to the emotional abuse and it became physical. I don’t want to stop this fight because I want to stand up for my experiences and the experiences of other women who go through this. I want to be a positive role model for my two-year old daughter so that she doesn’t end up with an abusive partner. I have the opportunity to take my PPO case to the Colorado Supreme Court and if my case is heard and wins, there is the potential that Colorado law will be positively changed in order to support more women in the future, allowing women to get PPOs in another State than where the abuse occurred and also forcing Courts to take verbal abuse more seriously.
Most women do not want to report because as part of the abusive cycle they already feel crazy and then when they report, they are not believed, threatened or blamed. This is what happened to me. The PPO was overturned on appeal because the judge believed that Colorado did not have jurisdiction as the evidence of physical abuse occurred in another State, the evidence of emotional abuse and threats which occurred in Colorado were not even acknowledged. This was the main reason I didn’t even attempt to obtain a restraining order in the State the abuse occurred. I didn’t think anyone would believe or support me and I had no family around to help. Support systems are essential towards taking the step of obtaining a PPO. Both times my ex-husband was reported for a Domestic Violence situation and investigated by the military, it came back that nothing was wrong. This was because I didn’t have the confidence to share the truth and also because he was still controlling and manipulating me through finances, threats and through our daughter. He was also projecting and making it look like I was the crazy one. All of the facts were there, he was financially controlling, he was verbally abusive and it turned physical. He would have outbursts of anger and then blame me. He would accuse me of cheating, and when I caught him cheating prolifically, he threatened to kill himself if I left. Eventually, I became numb to the emotional abuse and it became physical. I don’t want to stop this fight because I want to stand up for my experiences and the experiences of other women who go through this. I want to be a positive role model for my two-year old daughter so that she doesn’t end up with an abusive partner. I have the opportunity to take my PPO case to the Colorado Supreme Court and if my case is heard and wins, there is the potential that Colorado law will be positively changed in order to support more women in the future, allowing women to get PPOs in another State than where the abuse occurred and also forcing Courts to take verbal abuse more seriously.
I have currently maxed out all credit cards, I am paying for two separate lawyers, one for the divorce case in NJ and one for the restraining order case in Colorado and my ex-husband isn’t even giving me half of what the estimated child support should be as the divorce is not yet over. I am relying on a lot of support from my family and I am extremely grateful and lucky because unlike most women in my position who end up homeless, I have had the support system to take this case further. However, I have run out of finances and resources and so have my parents. I have 7 days to pay for my divorce lawyer over 5,000$. I recently flew all the way to NJ for a divorce hearing to find out that my husband did not prepare any of the correct documents for the divorce which means this case will cost even more money and go to trial. I have 20 days to have my attorney draft the appeal and must be able to pay him to represent me at the Supreme Court which will cost about 2,500$ as he is non-profit and taking my case at a reduced cost. If you feel that this issue is important, please consider donating and share my story!
Megan
No comments:
Post a Comment